You have two choices
in life:
You can stay single and be miserable,
or get married and wish you were dead.
At
a cocktail party, one woman said to another,
"Aren't you wearing your wedding
ring on the wrong finger?"
"Yes, I am. I married the wrong
man."
A lady inserted an ad in the
classifieds:
"Husband Wanted"
Next day she received a hundred
letters.
They all said the same thing:
"You can have mine."
When a woman steals your husband,
there is no better revenge than
to let her keep him.
A woman is incomplete until she is
married. Then she is finished.
A little boy asked his father,
"Daddy, how much does it cost to
get married?"
Father replied, "I don't know, son,
I'm still paying."
A young son asked,
"Is it true, Dad, that in some parts
of Africa
a man doesn't know his wife until he
marries her?"
Dad replied, "That happens in
every country, son."
Then there was a woman who said,
"I never knew what real
happiness was until I got married,
and by then, it was too late."
Marriage is the triumph of imagination
over intelligence.
If you want your spouse to listen and
pay strict attention to every
word you say -- talk in your sleep.
Just think, if it wasn't for marriage,
men would go through life thinking
they had no faults at all.
First guy says, "My wife's an angel!"
Second guy remarks, "You're
lucky. Mine's still alive."
A Woman's Prayer
Dear Lord, I pray for Wisdom, to
understand a man, to love and to forgive
him, and for Patience, for his moods.
Because, Lord, if I pray for
strength,
I'll just beat him to death.
AND NOW FOR THE
FAVORITE!!!!
Husband and wife are waiting at the
bus stop with their nine children. A
blind man joins them after a few
minutes. When the bus arrives, they find
it
overloaded and only the wife and the
nine kids are able to fit onto the
bus.
So the husband and the blind man
decide to walk. After a while, the husband
gets irritated by the ticking of the
stick of the! blind man as he taps it
on
the sidewalk, and says to him, "Why
don't you put a piece of rubber at the
end of your stick? That ticking
sound is driving me crazy."
The blind man replies, "If you
would've put a rubber at the end of YOUR
stick, we'd be riding the bus ..
so shut the hell up."